A Four Days Journal  

What to say? Why does everything I see, becomes a reflection of my past. And needless to say, still lurking about in my present.


These past 4 days has been a wild loop of coincidental rides for me. Not as a party of any sort. But partaking as an audience and an arbiter.

The word LOVE really sounds deceiving doesn't it? Because just when you thought you got a hold of it. It turns into sand and slide off your hands. In our society today, we refer to 3 types of Love. Puppy love, short-term love and true love. But to me, there are only 2 types. Lust and Love. Where TRUE, and GENUINE Love is LOVE. Therefore, any other form of so called "Love" is all just lust to me.

Why the hard decision? Because no one said it was gonna be easy. Seeing my bro thru the past 4 days has taught me alot of things. And I m definitely glad that he took the step of faith to believe in Christ, and that Christ will give him the peace he needs. He prayed and God see him thru it only in one night, that same night.



It's really something isn't it? To pray and ask God to show him, God is really real by giving him the strength. After that night, he had the courage to face everything, and now, he is now filled with joy. I m glad he overcame it all. Although I have spent pretty much time, effort and money in helping him thru these 4 days. If he really learn from it. I say it is time and money well spent.



As for a friend I know. My good friend's sister. You have my empathy. And I must say that you are strong, and you will only get stronger. You just need to find your courage, and never let your mind make your decision. Because the truth lies in your heart, in knowing what is right and wrong. I remembered we chat about how emotional wounds take time to heal. So true as it is, never let your wounds be cut again because when you do, it will only get deeper and more painful. If someone loves you, he/she will never treat you as a side dish, or a punching bag. It's great to hear you saying today that you'll make good of your words, because it's the harder choice and you know it's the better choice. :) You are a very nice and patient girl, you did not scold him back when he hurled vulgarities at you. You have my respect.







~Know that anything that does not kill you, only trains you to grow stronger. Life's boat is never smooth sailing!

Signing off~

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Running Solo  

Dear Me,


Times do get rough, and all the more, DO NOT get defeated. Stand up, press on! Pick the pace and strive forward. One trouble, is a certain too many. When the storm rages, that's when true battle lies. It is easy to get going when you are in your happy times. But when you are down, will it stop you from moving forward? Pick your sword and know that God is there for you. He will fight side by side with you. 

Someone once said: "LOVE is never blind. But LUST is." So true as it is. Than why do we still indulge in lust? Only because the outer beaut blinds our perspective of love. What does it take for one to realize the word "L.O.V.E"? Simple. When love is patient. Still... the harder choice is always to wait. Isn't it?... - To my beloved bro and friends.

The question that we should really be asking ourselves is, what is more important in our lives? What are our priorities? And are they in their right places?

If a lie begets a lie, than I will say, a regret begets another, till the cycle breaks. So when will it be? As for me, I choose it now. Procrastination is like a spade. It digs a hole deeper, much deeper, and when you fall in, you will have to climb up with double the effort. My studies aren't so fantastic right now, I must say. But I will not be defeated. Swim towards the boat, or get drowned. No one ever said that the swim was easy. And everything will pay off, all in due time... In due time my friends. :)


God Bless!




Sincerely Yours

Lovell Tan
14th June 2010


 

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Help me by not helping. Thanks.  

I m caught in Neither-Land. I m neither here nor there. Having alot of mix feelings lately, and what supposedly was meant to help me, at times fail me. I hope there will not be anymore, anything or anyone who will add on to my misery, at least for the time being. Please? I m carrying shackles of burden in almost every area of my life right now. But I do not expect anyone's sympathy, I only request for one small favour.


That is your simple act of love of leaving me alone sometimes... It certainly would be most appreciated. I realize that giving in too much, to basically almost anyone, they would just squeeze every living crap and shit out of you. Taking you for granted. Leaving you dry and down to bones.


I hope there can be something, or someone that would make me feel a sense of joy I've not felt in a long time. Something that can make me smile and feel I m free from every worries. Even just for a minute, to feel that sense of relaxation. And thereafter, giving me the strength to carry on, fight on and press on. A motivation doctor would do me good. Should there be a miracle water for it, I will gladly pay.


Fantasies are not a solution. Simply because, that is what stimulates a person to procrastinate is the addiction of your wonder-imaginations, it binds you from moving on. So kill that thought. Shed some light into my reality. Will You?


If you need a hero, I need a break...

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